Is BJJ Really the Best Way to Combat Bullying?
Which inner-fighter are we cultivating?
So, you have a spicy kid. They’re cocky, they have little respect for authority, and “jerk” is their default mode, yet you’re being told that teaching them a notoriously rough-and-tumble martial art is going to keep them from becoming a bully. It seems that you’re being promised a Daniel Larusso, but your heart is telling you that you’re about to invite the spirit of Johnny Lawrence into your already jerky kid. Why would any parent sign off on this?!
—Brief intermission—This article is being written while I am home recovering from an emergency gall bladder surgery. It’s probably going to be short, but these are thoughts that were on my mind for a while!
The Art of No Hitting
Unlike Combative Jiu-Jitsu (CJJ) or Japanese Jujutsu, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu does not teach or allow striking. This in itself limits a would-be bully from taking an aggressive approach. Ever seen the comical reels of some buff, cauliflower-eared, tattooed athlete threatening “Let’s go! Come on, man, get in my guard!” and scooting on his butt after someone who he obviously wants to fight? That’s because BJJ is meant to be defensive only. Its literally ridiculous to think that you could bully someone by throwing some BJJ in their face. But take into account this scenario (ignoring the last 30 seconds of promos from the posting gym):
This student isn’t being aggressive or cocky. He is calm and helpful. He doesn’t strike, he doesn’t dominate, he doesn’t take over the police officer’s job. It is this type of energy that BJJ promotes through its no-striking pedagogy.
The Gym> Parent> Student Triad
BJJ is often represented by a triangle logo. I have read origin-stories such as it’s a symbol of a steady and stable base, it represents the trade-mark triangle choke, or that the three sides represent the mind, body, and spirit. All of these are actually probably true. But, as a teacher, the triangle reminds me that this is a team sport. And the team is not a traditional multi-athlete organization, but a symbiosis of the efforts of the professors to instruct, the parents to learn and support, and the student’s commitment and teachability in order to produce a balanced BJJ student.
Gracie Barra’s Raising Champions program and Gracie Jiu-Jitsu’s Gracie Bullyproof Program both teach the importance of a parents role in cultivating a disciplined and mindful approach to BJJ. Both of these programs focus on character building exercises and promotions are earned not only through skill, but through evidence of character growth as well. Believe me, Johnny Lawrence is not going to tolerate four months of manners and caring exercises from Gracie Jiu-Jitsu nor Gracie Barra’s direction that parents should not praise results, (“you crushed that kid!”), but praise the student’s discipline, (“I was so impressed with how calm you stayed when you were in that triangle! You used your techniques to get out of that bad spot, and that is so cool!”).
In closing (and mainly because my pain meds are wearing off…)
I want to encourage any parent hesitant to introduce BJJ to their child because they think it will enable the part of them that is wanting to be aggressive with these final statements. The fact is BJJ is not an aggressor-friendly sport. Through committed attendance and a lot of losses, a student will learn that even in a “loss,” they have overcome and have not been defeated. They learn to calmly problem solve. They learn to focus on breathing and take in the big picture. They learn to trust the process. They learn to counter the first strike, use framing and connection so they don’t have to fight so hard, and to absolutely be merciful. Adding chaos to chaos never creates calm. But controlling an aggressor in a calm and respectful way (as exampled in the previous video) deescalates a situation and creates a safer atmosphere in which all can have a chance to come out safer.